Birth of a doula

My client gave birth at home, in a birthing pool, with a midwife, exactly as planned, after about 14 hours of early labor, and 3 hours of active labor.  Throughout the entire process, she was relaxed, calm, and confident, trusting in her body to bring her son into the world.  It was an honor to witness such a beautiful birth. 

I spent about 12 hours in my client’s home.  I worked with her on her relaxation techniques, learned through the hypnobabies program, I massaged her back and shoulders, I encouraged her during moments of frustration, and got her sips of water when she asked.  Mostly, I just stared in awe at her ability to work with her body and bring life into the world. 

Studies have shown that women, when in the company of a laboring woman, tend to mirror her hormonal changes.  A woman in labor releases oxytocin.  Oxytocin has a reputation in labor- it is the hormone that causes the uterus to contract- something most women experience as pain or intense pressure.  However, it has a lesser known and much more important role- oxytocin is the love hormone.  It primes the mother (and the baby, who receives its dose via the placenta) for love at first sight.  And for a woman accompanying the laboring mother, it creates the instinctive desire to “tend and befriend”.  (Men tend to get dosed with adrenalin when confronted with labor, stimulating the “fight or flight” instinct).  I most definitely was overcome with the “tend and befriend” instinct, and had to restrain myself from curling up on the couch around my client and cradling her in my arms and just marveling in her amazingness.  I know that sounds crazy, especially from me.

I have never considered myself to be a particularly nurturing person, although anyone who has seen me with my own kids would probably disagree.  I knew, going into my work as a doula, that this might be a challenge.  I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the desire to “mother the mother” was the most natural thing in the world for me. 

I came away from this experience with one major impression- that birth is normal.  Now, I know that not every birth is normal; I know there are reasons for hospitals, c-sections, and the like, don’t misunderstand me.  But birth, most of the time, for most women, is simply ordinary.  There seemed to be nothing more natural than hanging out at my client’s house, helping as a member of the “team”, matching our work to the changing needs of the mom, and finally, witnessing the birth of a new person.  How fitting that such an amazing event can, and should, take place in such ordinary surroundings. 

Birthing at home maintains the sacredness of the moment of birth itself.  Everyone present is known to the mother.  She knows every inch of the terrain on which she is birthing.  She makes decisions every step of the way- staying at home allows her to avoid interventions which can change a normal physiological process into something quite different… and dangerous.  I watched first hand, and saw that this woman gave birth to her child- she was not delivered of it by someone else. 

I was worried that some part of my desire to be a doula was related to my love of newborns.  Not so.  I didn’t give that (adorably cute) baby a second thought, aside from wanting to know he was healthy.  My priorities were my client and her first steps into motherhood.  The bonds that were made and shaped between her, her child, and her husband.  I’ll admit I was almost a bit happy that she had leg cramps and needed more massage after the birth, because it allowed me to be a part of this ordinary, extraordinary event for just a little bit longer.     

I think the next step for me will be midwifery.  But I also think I’d like to design my own childbirth preparation course, using a variety of different ideas from books I’ve read recently, this experience with hypnobabies, and my own.  I can see why birth work can become addicting.  There is a point after the birth, and many times during the labor, where my “job” was to disappear for a bit and allow the mom and her husband to find their own path.  And that was hard.  And then there were times where I was a part of the calm, relaxed work of the mom, supporting her as best I could.  And that was amazing.  But ultimately, my final step is a step away, leaving the new family… and where better to step, than into another birth? 

I look forward to the day when I can offer competent medical care as a midwife, while maintaining the emotional role of a doula.